Signs of a Savior Complex and Overcoming It (2024)

Helpful. Cooperative. Giving. Compassionate.

If someone uses those words to describe you, it’s usually meant as a compliment. And you’d likely take it that way. After all, it’s important to help others, and not just think of yourself. But when tending to the needs of others overshadows taking care of your own needs, it may be more than just showing kindness. You could be struggling with a savior complex.

“Someone has a savior complex if they have a desire or control to assist people so much that they might neglect their own well-being to do so. The term describes someone who feels they have a mission to fulfill based on what they consider their special capabilities,” explains Cassandra Boduch, MD, Chief Medical Officer, PsychPlus. “A savior complex can also be known as a messiah complex or white knight syndrome,” she adds.

How Do You Know If You Have a Savior Complex?

Countless sources, from magazine articles to wellness gurus to scientific studies, say helping others is a way to help you feel happier and more fulfilled. Even the cliché “it’s better to give than to receive” is often touted as a key to longevity and feeling good about yourself. Dealing with a savior complex, however, goes beyond just being good to others. You are, instead, helping others at the expense of helping yourself.

Signs include:

• Getting your sense of value and purpose exclusively or primarily from being the sole source of help for someone
• Being unable to say “no” to others’ requests
• An inability to put boundaries in place on your time and energy, because you feel like someone else “needs” you
• Ignoring your own self-care needs while overexerting yourself to make sure someone else’s needs are met
• Continuing to work until you get burned out, trying to fulfill others’ expectations of you

“Seeking out or being attracted to 'damaged' people and making it your responsibility to help, save, or rehabilitate them” is another sign, according to GinaMarie Guarino, LMHC, Licensed Mental Health Counselor, and founder of PsychPoint.com. It’s also important to note, Guarino says, that “many people with a savior complex will struggle when not feeling needed by another person.”

What are some other actions and reactions you may show when you have a savior complex?

• You feel like others’ happiness or unhappiness is your fault.
• When someone doesn’t show appreciation for what you’ve done, you get frustrated and resentful.
• You protect or shield others from the consequences of their actions.
• You draw your self-worth and value exclusively or excessively from your ability to help someone else.

Causes and Consequences of a Savior Complex

While there’s no one cause for the savior complex, several factors can lead to it. Dealing with trauma or grief can be a significant factor. This is especially true when a person struggles with guilt over not having been able to help someone important in their life, so they try to make up for it by trying to help others. This can be impactful at any age, but particularly in childhood.

“Being 'parentified' or forced to take on adult or parent-like responsibilities during childhood” is another cause, explains Guarino. “An example of being parentified is a child growing up with the responsibility of caring for an alcoholic parent.”

They also can have problems in their relationships with family and friends, and frequently find themselves being taken advantage of by others. People close to a person with a savior complex just assume that person will take care of them, without any regard to their needs. It can lead to a toxic, one-sided relationship, where your boundaries and feelings are not respected.

The intense focus on constantly pushing yourself to please others can wreak wreaks havoc on your mental health.

“[Those with savior syndrome] are very hard on themselves and self-scrutinize their work constantly which makes it hard for them to celebrate their wins. This harsh self-scrutiny leads them to become workhorses because the work they produce is never felt as good enough. This is partly why I see this in high-functioning depression,” statesJudith Joseph, MD, MBA, Board Certified Psychiatrist and Researcher, and Chair of Women in Medicine Initiative at Columbia University Vagelos College of Physicians and Surgeons.

You can end up feel overwhelmed, resentful, angry, and misused. If you feel like any of this describes you, you’re not alone.

Strategies for Overcoming the Savior Complex

The first step to making a change is recognizing these behaviors in your life. But if your self-worth is tied to always helping someone else, it can be challenging to overcome.

Then work on taking care of yourself. That means strengthening your sense of self-worth and your self-esteem. Decide that others’ approval and validation won’t be your exclusive focus. Determine what else brings you love and value—whether it’s a higher power, spirituality, following your passions and creativity, living a healthy lifestyle or another focus in your life. Create your own goals and build in time to work on achieving them.

Take time forself-care. Make it a priority. Schedule it in. And then stick to your schedule.

Finally, set clear, decisive boundaries. Learn that “no” is a complete sentence. Recognize that some people who benefitted from your savior complex won’t like to hear it. And be okay with that fact.

Of course, there may be times when you have to drop everything to help someone or make a decision to put aside your own plans for someone else’s. But being aware of the reasons behind your actions, and not taking your desire to help to an extreme, makes all the difference.